Living Defeated

I haven't posted in a while. I love writing about things that make people laugh. Honestly, I love laughing. It's very involuntary sometimes.... just ask my family. ;)

But the last few weeks have been really hard for me. It all started with a picture, one that I allowed to cause me pain.

It sent me down a spiral that wasn't pretty. Through everything that I've been through the last couple of years, I would get mad at God for a moment, and then turn everything back over to him. This time, I hate to admit, I got mad and stayed mad.

Even though I know who created me and that I am beautiful and wonderful in his eyes, I still struggle with feeling like trash and not enough for anyone.

Because I am crazy ;) and have 3 small kids and one on the way, I have a hard time finding time for devotions and prayer, and I started beating myself up for that too. I decided that my efforts were not good enough, so I wasn't going to do it at all.

I tried to withdraw from everyone, including my husband, but he was having none of it. He would pray for me, play encouraging songs for me, and just hold my hand and tell me that he was there for me. It meant more than he knows.

But, God, as always, broke through my anger. He whispered truth into my hurting heart.

The enemy would say... "Your obviously not good enough" He would say... "You are my peculiar treasure and I love you."

The enemy would say... "You are an awful friend, that's why you don't have very many" He would say... "You are a great friend. You've always wanted to help people. How could you understand them without ever feeling pain yourself?"

The enemy would say... "God has abandoned you." He would say... "I will never leave you nor forsake you. Don't mistake me for the actions of others and the hard circumstances of life."

In a nut shell, I had been living defeated. I don't want to anymore, and I don't have to anymore.

One of the songs my husband played for me is this the one I posted above. The first time I listened to it, I didn't like it because I didn't want to hear it. Now... it's my new favorite song.

Just know that if you are living defeated, you don't have to either. I hope you enjoy the song :)